$SPLASH

Enter the Throne Room with Swagger Cross the sacred threshold of the bathroom like you're strutting into a gladiator arena. Lock the door, dim the lights, and maybe hum the Jaws theme to set the mood. The porcelain throne awaits your royal posterior. Pro tip: Check for TP supplies—Poseidon doesn't bless the unprepared.

Survey the Seas (aka Toilet Inspection) Approach the toilet like a pirate scoping out uncharted waters. Ensure the bowl is calm—no rogue waves or leftover "treasure" from previous voyages. If the water level looks suspiciously high, abort mission! You don't want Poseidon's Wrath instead of his Kiss.

Assume the Captain's Pose Lower yourself onto the throne with the grace of a sea captain docking at port. Adjust for maximum comfort—knees at a 45-degree angle, back straight, and maybe a quick prayer to Poseidon for a clean splash. No hovering; this is a full-commitment maneuver.

Unleash the Kraken Time to release your payload! Do so with confidence, imagining you're dropping anchor in the high seas. Aim for precision—too much hesitation, and you'll miss the tidal alignment needed for the Kiss. Bonus points for dramatic sound effects to summon Poseidon's attention.

Await the Tidal Surge Here's where the magic happens. As your offering hits the water, brace for impact. The Kiss is imminent—a perfectly timed splash that's half caress, half high-five from the god of the deep. Tilt slightly forward to maximize splash trajectory (butt science, baby!).

Feel the Splash (Poseidon's Smooch!) SPLOOSH! There it is—the cool, invigorating embrace of Poseidon's Kiss! Revel in the moment as the water anoints your cheeks like a baptism in the Bermuda Triangle. Laugh, cry, or salute the sea god for his cheeky blessing. You've done it, sailor!